dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
