thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
