So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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