Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
