plz talk dirty to me
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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