you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
