just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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