My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
