i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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