She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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