then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
