Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize