My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
