I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
