He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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