i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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