I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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