Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
