remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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