Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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