Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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