Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
