Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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