we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Randomize
