Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
