I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
this just has baby written all over it
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
