How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
