Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
