I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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