Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
