I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
