people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
