Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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