so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
