I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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