I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
