He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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