I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
