I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
