I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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