That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
