so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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