Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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