There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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