If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
