it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
