I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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