I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
