Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
