Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
